I’ve missed being in this space in recent months. I miss the creativity it has allowed, the friendships it has forged, and I miss cataloging the days.
I recently read this post about ‘getting personal’ from my beautiful friend Allison Renner and it helped me understand why I haven’t been here all that often. Contrary to popular belief, it is not because of lack of time. Since Little O’s birth, I have found small pockets of time for the important things I love to do whether in the late hours or on weekends or while Little O naps or plays quietly by himself. And, I have discovered, small pockets of time add up to long stretches, and, so, progress is made slow and steady.
The real problem is that I have never really known what this blog was meant to be, especially as life flip-flopped and changed so drastically with the birth of my son. It never felt like the place for me to post ‘bump updates’ during my pregnancy or to chronicle my journey into motherhood. It does not feel like a space to post photographs of his monthly progress.
Those are my days. That is my life.
My love of books and writing are, often, why I come here but the observations, the feeling of the days, the look of the sky, the reflections of who I am, have always been the posts I most love to write. And it seems readers of this blog (though this is an unscientific study) engage most with those reflections.
In this space, I have struggled to understand who I am as a reader and a writer, as a person of the world, but now that I add ‘mother’ to this list, it is a new study in person-hood. It has changed the minutes and hours of who I am and so it changes this virtual space.
As with everything, perhaps, I’ve been too encumbered by labels. Having to call this a ‘writing’ blog, a ‘book’ blog, a ‘personal’ blog, a ‘mommy’ blog, it has tripped me up and made me fall silent. I’ve never fit neatly into any category because I’ve never wanted to.
At the end of the day, this is nothing but a Melissa blog. It shifts and changes as I do and I’m just grateful to have a space to reflect on it all. So, I appreciate your patience as I continue Melissa-ing, the only messy, made-up verb I know how to be.